Session 009
Table of Contents
Better Call Rax #
Date: 2026-09-27
The Oven’s Edge and the Goblin Advocate #
The evening commenced with the party standing over the captured hag, Lucinda, debating whether to chuck her directly into a roaring oven.
Al the halfling cleric was more than ready to bake a witch, but Helena stepped up to negotiate a more civilized, if ethically murky, severance.
Recognizing the danger of fey loopholes, they demanded a mediator. Lucinda reached into a magical doorway and dragged a sleeping, striped-pajama-clad goblin named Rax out of his bed. Rax, it turned out, was a corrupt customs official who smuggled humanoids in pickle barrels for the local vampires, making him the perfect neutral party for a gang of morally gray heroes.
Under Helena’s steely gaze, a contract was struck: Lucinda was to leave the province of Caliphas entirely, surrender her bakery to her former employee Fistula, and consume no humans. In return, the hag successfully bartered for the right to eat baby animals, so long as they made up exactly sixty-five percent of her diet.
Godhood, Nightmares, and Blood Brews #
With her life spared, Lucinda sang like a canary, revealing secrets that could shake the very foundations of Ustalav.
Rhea’s involvement wasn’t random; the harrow cards—specifically the Tanglebriar, the Survivor, and the Vision—marked the Tripkee barbarian as the perfect cosmic vessel for Agnes’ plans.
Agnes, Lucinda’s coven-sister, plotted to use Rhea and the Voice Of Sarenrae to siphon a spark of Sarenrae’s divine power, bypassing the usual cosmic trials of ascension to become the new God of Nightmares.
The party also learned of a “blood brew” crafted by the Dublesse Sisters, which the vampire Radvir uses to sever the thrall-bond to his master, Lord Luvik Siervage.
As a final insult to the local authorities, Lucinda confirmed that Ashtown’s Guard Captain, Tharivol, was dating the hag Rosie, believing her to simply be a blue-collar factory worker instead of the monster that she is.
The Sweetest Severance #
Contract signed, Lucinda gathered her belongings, packed up her personal stationery-crafting imp named Greg Snerk, and fled the city. The party handed the deed of the underground candy bakery to a bewildered but overjoyed Fistula, effectively turning the frantic baker into a small business owner in a single chaotic night. Exhausted, the heroes took a well-deserved long rest on chairs made of spun cotton candy.
The Smash Sisters Take the Stage #
Morning brought a new scheme: infiltrating the Haraday Theater in the rundown Blackwood District to investigate a rumored forgotten vampire tunnel. The party disguised themselves to blend in, with Helena donning a slinky Fran Drescher-style dress gown, Rhea mimicking a gothic Christina Ricci, and Al slapping on a massive prosthetic nose to play the part of their orphan groupie.
At the theater’s open doors, they intercept Virra, the overworked theater manager. Helena spun a masterful web of self promotion and deception, claiming she and Rhea were the “Smash Sisters,” a world-renowned traveling wrestling duo. When Virra requested proof, Helena seamlessly hoisted the manager into the air and launched her across the stage, where Rhea effortlessly caught her. Suitably intimidated and impressed, Virra agreed to bump the upcoming Friday night show if the Sisters bought out the entire evening for seventeen gold pieces.
A Descent into Mind-Melting Darkness #
While the Smash Sisters finalized their booking, Al utilized his stealth to slip away into the shadows of the stage. Sweeping the area for magical auras, he detected a potent concentration of magic beneath a shoddily nailed trapdoor. He pried the boards loose and attempted to cast Dispel Magic on the shimmering barrier blocking the tunnel, but his magic failed to counteract the trap.
Determined to confirm the vampire nest, Al tied a rope around his waist, instructing Rhea to act as his belay, and descended into the darkness. The moment he crossed the threshold, a vicious magical ward violently assaulted his mind. The cleric’s intellect was instantly sapped, leaving him dizzy, stupefied, and suffering physical damage as the dark magic rotted his thoughts. He hurled a lit torch down the shaft, illuminating a massive 20-foot drop into a carved stone cavern that stretched into the unknown. Panicking as the damage intensified, Al frantically tugged the rope. Rhea heaved with her immense strength, yanking the poisoned halfling back to the surface before the ward could claim his life.
Orphans, Vampires, and a Hell in a Cell #
Outside of the theater, and determined to turn a profit, Al wandered the district; hirring a gang of six street orphans for a gold piece each. The children proved to be masterful little vandals, flawlessly altering the party’s own wanted posters into sensational advertisements for the upcoming wrestling match. The celebration was cut short in a nearby alley when Belladonna, Radvir’s dhampir enforcer, dropped in to remind them that they had were still tasked with assassinating Captain Theravil. Al placated the daywalker with vague promises of plans in motion, buying themselves two weeks to finish the job.
Seeking an edge, the crew visited the underground workshop of Vesper, the tinkerer beneath the Iron Saint statue. Vesper dropped her own bombshell: the Chelish Hellknights currently hunting halflings in the city were bankrolled by House Vulpin, specifically the noble Gregorius, who stalked the night club dance scene under the moniker “Count Frogula”. Thrilled by the prospect of a wrestling match, and a promise to find her a Crystalline Heart from Vigil, Vesper eagerly agreed to construct a collapsing “Hell in a Cell” cage for the Smash Sisters’ inaugural Caliphas bout.