Session 008

Session 008: Honey, I Shrunk The Hag #

Date: 2026-09-11

Too Sweet #

We find our heroes navigating the insane sugary home of Lucinda the hag. Trapped in a candy land dimension with little hope of escape. The battle began on a treacherous foot; Helena’s mighty war cries twisted into an agonizing, magical laughing fit, and Rhea’s veins burning from the hag’s sickeningly sweet venom. Yet, Rhea bravely rugby-tackled the hag to the floor, boldly declaring her the ugliest monster ever crafted! But the bakery itself rose to defend its wicked mistress. Towering oozes of bubbling caramel surged forward, grabbing Al in a sticky hold. Another sugary monstrosity lashed out at poor Rhea, grappling her tight in it’s sticky grasp!

A Sticky Situation #

Just when the sweet embrace of death seemed certain, who should stagger into the fray but Fistula—the heavily intoxicated, fearless (when drunk) baker! Taking a massive, fortifying swig of her dwarven ale, she charged the baking station. With the mad genius of a drunkard, she whipped up a concoction of rock candy and rising sourdough, hurling the sticky bomb across the room. It erupted into a rapidly expanding barrier of dough, shielding our heroes and granting Rhea a much-needed second wind of vitality.

But the hag Lucinda was not to be outdone by a mere mortal baker. With a flick of her wicked wrist and a foul curse, she transfigured the mighty Rhea into a tiny, candy gummy mouse—complete with a little leather jacket and a tiny chain wallet! Picture it, friends: a fierce barbarian reduced to a squeaking, bite-sized confection. Yet, Rhea’s spirit was far too grand for such a diminutive form. Digging deep into her Tripkee willpower, she shattered the hag’s transfiguration, bursting back into her true, formidable size. Unforutnately the ooze holding her began dragging her entirely into its suffocating depths, leaving our fierce warrior engulfed and drowning in the molten muck!

Seeing her friend struggling in the sticky muck, Helena ignored her own cursed, agonizing laughter. She plunged her mighty arms directly into the boiling caramel and bodily hauled Rhea free from the ooze’s grasp. Seizing the moment, the battered Fistula tossed a heavy, epicac-laced toaster strudel across the battlefield. Catching it mid-air with the dramatic flair of a tavern brawler, Helena choked the foul pastry down. The violent reaction expelled the cursed sugar from her system entirely, breaking the hag’s slowing hex in a spectacular, roaring display of gastric fortitude!

But no good deed goes unpunished in the hollow hag’s domain! A caramel ooze lashed out, bludgeoning the heroic, drunken baker unconscious to the floor. To make matters worse, the wicked Lucinda viciously sliced at Fistula’s helpless form, pushing the brave baker to the absolute brink of death!

Meanwhile, Al found himself in dire straits, still ensnared by the shifting caramel. Calling upon the divine grace of unimpeded stride, the nimble halfling cleric magically slipped free from his sugary bindings. Free to move, he raised his holy symbol and unleashed a miraculous, blinding wave of healing magic that bathed the entire room. This brilliant burst of energy swept over his allies, miraculously pulling Fistula back from death’s door and knitting the party’s grievous wounds just as the tides of battle seemed lost.

The Great Burrito-ing #

Empowered by this holy light, the barbarians let loose their rage! They hacked into the oozes, discovering their vulnerability to slashing steel, and with a final, earth-shattering blow, Rhea popped the last monster like a sugary bubble. Desperate, the cornered hag unleashed a dark wave of slumber, dropping both barbarians unconscious to the floor. Al held the line alone; with a clever manuever, he was able to shake the hag and shake Helena back awake . Groggily brushing off the magic, Helena leaped up, splashed water on Rhea to wake her, and vaulted over the tables with athletic precision.

Realizing her doom was at hand, the cowardly Lucinda shrank herself to the size of a sprite and scurried under a desk. But Helena & Rhea wwere swifter! Charging into the adjoining room, Rhea kicked the tiny hag down as Helena rolled her tightly into a decorative rug—creating a not so delicious “rug burrito”~

Spoils of the Sugar Vault and a Hag’s Bargain #

With the hag bundled up, the heroes plundered her vault, uncovering twenty gold pieces and the Voice Of Sarenrae encased in a hardened sugar amber known as Everglaze. Guided by the hag’s own dark recipe book, they helped Fistula mix black vinegar, crushed chalk, and bile to melt the glaze and free the enchanted blade.

They also discovered damning letters: a plot with Rosamund the Iron Hag to find and murder Pearl and the halfling refugees, while framing our heroes to further entrench themselves with Tharivol; and dark whispers from the Dublesse sisters regarding the vampire Radvir’s dependency on a mysterious “bloodbrew”. The tale ends on a knife’s edge, my friends, with the captive hag dangled before a roaring oven, offering to flee the city and spill her coven’s secrets if they spared her life—but flatly refusing to create a scrying device unless Al surrendered a lock of his own hair. Will they trust the child-eating witch, or will they bake her into a pie? Only time—and the next round of ale—will tell!